


A Shocking Discovery

by Ever_Dreamer



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Reader-Insert, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-03-01 14:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2776592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ever_Dreamer/pseuds/Ever_Dreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off the imagine 'Imagine Fili and Kili finding cuts on your wrists' from http://imaginexhobbit.tumblr.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Shocking Discovery

You had been with the Company for almost a year, and slowly but surely, earned the acceptance of the dwarves. They had allowed you on their journey when they learned of your skills in medicine and healing after Gandalf had found you in the forest, living among the wilderness after you had somehow been transported to Middle Earth. Gandalf and Bilbo had taken to you right away but the dwarves, especially Thorin and Dwalin were leery and unsure of whether you would be an asset or hindrance to their quest.

Slowly, Dwalin had started showing you forms of affection, like a pat on the shoulder when you did a good job of stitching a cut or making sure a wound didn't get infected. To you, that was a step. Thorin had slowly stopped glaring at you at every turn and making hurtful comments about you or your skills and now gave you his rare smile when you made him proud.

What was unknown to the Company was how you dealt with the dwarves' comments and actions when you had first joined. You were a recovering self-injurer before you had been found and although you tried not to cut yourself because of their words, sometimes it was unavoidable. You sometimes regretted doing it, but it helped. But you had been clean for months, all your cuts fading into scars. Since the weather had been on the colder side, no one had given a second look that you constantly wore long sleeves at all times, though you noticed that Fili and Kili gave curious glances from time to time.

It was one of the warmer nights where you and the company had settled down for the night. There was a lake nearby and since it had been a good couple of weeks since you had bathed, the lake sounded like Heaven! After letting the company know where you would be, you headed to the lake and enjoyed your time alone. After almost an hour of soaking and shedding all the dirt and grime from your body and hair, you dressed in your clean underclothes, pants and singlet and headed back to the camp.

Everyone was asleep except for Kili and Fili, who were on watch. You acknowledged them as you headed to your bedroll, completely forgetting your arms were exposed. You started putting things your things away, ready to turn in for the night, when you noticed Kili quickly approaching you.

"Y/N, are you alright? What happened?" He asked.

You looked up confused. "I'm sorry, what?"

His eyes shifted to your exposed skin and you looked away in embarrassment. How could you be so stupid to forget to cover your scars?! "Its nothing, Kili. No need to worry."

"I beg your pardon but it definitely is something to worry about!" His voice raising in concern. You looked around to make sure no one else had woken up. Fili soon joined his brother at your side.

"Is something wrong, brother?"he asked in confusion.

"No, Fili. Noth--" you began but Kili interrupted.

"Yes there is, Fili. Y/N has been hurt!" He said, gesturing to your scars. Fili's eyes widened at what he saw.

"What is this? Was it Orcs or Goblins?" He started firing off questions, wanting to know who had harmed you.

Finally you couldn't take it anymore. "Enough! No one attacked me and it was no one's fault! I did this to myself!" You hissed. They looked at you, shocked and slack jawed at your admission. You rubbed your forehead, trying to relieve your headache. You sighed, feeling you owed them an explanation. "Look, I can't make you guys understand but I don't handle things like the rest of you. Its a form of relief, or rather it was, to me and made me feel like I could control at least some aspect of my life. None of this is anyone's fault. My thoughts and emotions just got the best of me sometimes."

Kili's eyes narrowed in confusion. "How does hurting yourself relieve you of your thoughts and emotions?"

"And what of the scars on your wrists?" Added Fili.

You motioned for them to sit with you on your bedroll and lowered yourself down. "Well, its hard to explain but I'll try. When things felt out of control and that there was nothing I could do to stop the thoughts or feelings, cutting gave me that moment of peace. Seeing the blood and cuts made me feel numb to everything, like I finally had control and it gave me that stillness that I couldn't find. As for my wrists, I couldn't take it anymore so I tried to put an end to it all."

"Put an end?" Kili questioned.

You sighed. "I tried to kill myself."

Their eyes widened in horror and you looked away. "But I've been clean for months so its nothing to concern yourselves with. Now you know why I always wear sleeves. Its not a pretty sight." You gave a sad laugh.

After a moment or two of silence, Fili spoke up. "Well, if you ever feel this way again, you can always come and talk to us. We may not understand exactly how you're feeling..."

"But we'll try to make you feel better or distract you from your thoughts anyway we can!" Kili finished. "Just please don't do that again. We care for you, Y/N. All of us dwarves and Gandalf and Bilbo too. We never want to you lose you. Especially to something as your own mind."

You smiled at their words and hugged them both, realizing that someone actually cared what happened to you. It was a new but pleasant feeling. "Thank you, guys. I care for all of you as well." You quickly wiped the tears that had escaped your eyes. You bid them goodnight after they promised they wouldn't tell the others until you were ready and laid down to sleep as they returned to their watch. You fell asleep, feeling like part of your burden had been lifted off your shoulders.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the warnings but I've been in this place before so a lot of the thoughts and feelings of the reader I know firsthand. Hopefully you all liked this at least...I know its not a very happy subject.


End file.
